The Kidnapping of Mr Sparrow
by INTYFOOYOO
Summary: This story is about how I, INTYFOOYOO (aka Miranda) have kidnapped Captain Jack Sparrow and tortures him! MUAHAHAH! Though, not really torture him... just torment his sanity. But please read! It's funny! this story is reposted and people liked it before!


(Hmm... apparently for those of you who already knew this story, you might have already known that took it off a while ago, due to the multiple skits I had in the first chapter..... foo... well, here it is again! But without the skits. Please enjoy again maybe and I absolutely ADORE reviews of the stories! THANKS SO MUCH!!)   
"The Kidnapping of Mr. Sparrow"

This story, too, is based on some of my comics. As stated in my previous story "William Turner: Girly-man" when I get a site up, or my scanner fixed, or both, it will be on the INTERNET! Then people that I don't know can read all they want! WOOT!

Disclaimer: looks down with hands in pockets and kicks a clump of dirt mournfully and pouty-like NO! I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.... But I own the plot! So there! sticks out tongue PPPHHHHHHTTTTTBBBBBB!!!! XP

Rated "PG-13" for rum, mild swearing, the mentioning of English whores, a brief romantic (though not very) scene, and constant bashing, torturing, poking, scaring, humiliating, flustering, and embarrassing of our favorite drunken pirate captain. Just to be safe...

HELLO PEOPLES!!!!! This is a fic about ME and my INGENEOUS plot to capture Captain Jack Sparrow. I would appreciate reviews so if you could please...? THANK YOU!!!! Ok, sorry, no more pixie-stix for me. On with the story!!

Since the beginning when I, INTY-FOOYOO, had first seen Pirates of the Caribbean, I have been obsessed. Staying up day and night, thinking of ways to become a pirate fascinated me. Then I had an idea. I CAN be a pirate!! Yay! Well, at least I can capture my favorite pirate and that is the beginning of the story:

The Kidnapping of Mr. Sparrow!!!!! (Dun dun dun....)

Inty (the author) paced around wondering how she could ever meet that pirate hunk Jack Sparrow again? She had been tormenting him with her excessive randomness only a week before and somehow wound up back at her place. When it finally hit her.

"Oh yeah, I'm the author, huh? I can just rip a portal into the movie era and be there!! MUAHAHAHA! I'm such a bloody genius!" Then, having said that, ripped a portal and jumped in(aren't I so original with my ideas?!).

(FYI this is a bit continued from the original skits. He has already met Inty, or, Miranda, and has "escaped" her and her idiot glompyness on him)

Jack Sparrow ("CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!" he yells from off-screen) cough er, sorry... CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow ("Thank you!") stood merrily steering his most beloved item in the entire world. Well, he wasn't sure what was his most beloved thing, The Black Pearl or rum but that's not important right now! He stood and hummed a tune that Elizabeth had taught him.

"Da da da da da da da da da da dum... and really bad eggs...." He moved the heavy oak wheel slightly to the left and snickered to himself. _/HA! I have finally escaped that loony lass an' am back on me own Pearl.../ _He thought. _/ Me own brilliance amazes even mah self!/ _Then he threw his head back and let loose a triumphant laugh. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed so loudly, he didn't hear the discreet 'poik!' sound that emitted from behind him. He then felt a pair of hands on his shoulder and a happy little voice said, "So! Whatcha laughin' at?"

"Hahaha....heh?" he stopped, with his eyes wide. He recognized that voice. OH GOD! It was HER! She detached herself from his side and took a few steps in front of him and squinted over the horizon.

"Where?" she asked, "What's so funny? I don't see anything..."

/_Why God?/_ He questioned, his eyes wide and blood-shot. Twitch

Then she spun around, looked up at him and said, "Hey! I like yer hat!" His hands shot up and clutched his worn leather, tricorn hat to his head.

"NO! ANYthing but the hat! Please!"

"ANYthing...?" she asked coyly.

"ANYTHING!" He repeated, not noticing the tone of her voice. She pointed her finger up and poik! zap and a sprig of mistletoe appeared above their heads.

"Yuletide greetings, Jack..." She said smoothly, with her eyes half-mast and blushing slightly.

"Ulp..." he swallowed, clearly frightened. "Here!" he decided, snatching the hat off his head and shoving it in her hands, "Happy Christmas!"

She looked down at what was in her hands, slightly taken aback, then looked back up at Jack. Teary eyes and a quivering lip, she sniffled for effect.

He took a step back, somewhat shocked at her sudden mannerisms. "Oh.... Please don't look at me like that luv..," he said, as she gave an extra little sniffle. He felt bad that he had hurt her feelings. Fearless pirate captain, eh? "I tell ye what, you can um... touch my hair, ok?"

She immediately snapped back and looked exceedingly pleased with herself at this accomplishment. "Bloody guilt trips," Jack muttered as she pet his hair.

At the sailing wheel

"Can I drive?"

"No."

"Can I drive?"

"No."

"Can I drive?"

"NO." twitch

"Can I drive?"

"No!" snarl

"Can I drive the boat, please?"

"NO! And she's a SHIP! Now bugger off you crazy wench!!"

She looked ticked off and glared at him as he growled and clung to the wheel. "My name is Miranda, NOT wench" (A/N: for the story, her name shall be Miranda because Inty would just be a bit weird. Plus I like the name Miranda. It's spiffy) "..." She stared at him waiting for an apology.

"I don't care!" he hissed. "grr.. my ship!" He looked sideways at her. A little bit nervous at what her actions might be at his statement.

Let's just say, she wasn't happy.

She pointed her finger at him like she was pointing a gun and a beam of light shot out and engulfed Jack (hey, I'm the author, ANYthing can happen in my stories. MUHAHA!). He reappeared in a small wire birdcage that was obviously too small for him. He looked uncomfortable. Then she pointed at herself and her clothes changed from her original dark blue jeans and purple long sleeve shirt into a flamboyant captain get-up. A blood red tight vest with poofy white sleeves, a cape, pants with socks, a scarflett around her neck, a belt with a beautifully made sword, and last but not least, a big hat with a big floofy feather.

"LET ME OUTTA HERE YA INSOLENT WHELP!!" Jack bellowed from his birdcage.

"That be CAPTAIN whelp to you, first mate!" she chirped cheerfully. "Let's go to Never-Never land!"

The ship turned glowing gold and drifted out of the water and started to fly towards the star.

"We can fly," She sang exuberantly, "We can fly, we can fly, we can fly, we can—"

"SHUT UP!"

"Sorry..."

YAY!!! The reincarnation of the first chapter is completed!!!! Please review! Second chapter should be back resurrected and back up soon, methinks.


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